What to do when someone dies

I recently moderated a panel at Frank E. Campbell – The Funeral Chapel – to help people understand the decisions they will face when someone they love dies.

When I told people we were having this panel in a funeral home, I got some funny reactions. I couldn’t help but speculate about why people found this odd. I think what it may come from is that we – as a society – don’t like to talk about death. It’s not something we like to think about. We like to think, I guess, that we’ll somehow live forever.

But the thing is, death is inevitable. We can’t avoid it. It’s an essential part of life. And the problem with death is that when it comes, we are usually unprepared for it.

We get a lot of calls from people who have just recently lost someone important to them – a parent, a sibling, a cousin, a good friend, a child. The person on the phone is grieving. They may have known the death was coming, the deceased may have been in their 90s, or quite ill, but it still comes as a shock. And they all ask themselves: what do I do now? How do I plan a funeral, do I need a lawyer to help me, what do I do with their apartment, what do I do with all the stuff inside their apartment?

All these questions come crashing down. And at the same time, we’re supposed to be grieving.

The good news is that there are things you can do now to help make this all easier in the future. There are steps you can take now to help those who love you handle your death, and there are steps you can take now to encourage the people you love to prepare for their own demise. Here are some resources available to all of us, and some ways to plan ahead:

  • The first thing you need to do when someone dies is plan a funeral. There’s a way to plan this in advance, by purchasing what is called a pre-need, or advanced planning. It may feel morbid, but if you plan and pay for your own funeral now, your loved ones won’t have to make sudden decisions after you die. Also, you pay the current price for the service. Assuming the cost of a funeral will increase, this could be a good financial decision.

  • Next you will need to enlist a good Trust & Estate attorney. Again, there are steps we can all take in advance to make this easier for those we love. You can hire a lawyer now to prepare, with you, the documents we all eventually need: a healthcare proxy, an advance directive (aka a living will), a trust or will, and a power of attorney. These documents should be prepared at the same time, and signed, so they are ready to put into effect when needed.

  • Next you need to think about the stuff that belonged to the deceased. I’m talking about valuable things (like art, sterling silver, jewelry, etc.), all the regular “good” stuff we have in our homes, and all the junky stuff. One of the greatest gifts you can give the people you love is to start de-cluttering now so the amount of stuff remaining in your home is more manageable for them. Take our 30-day decluttering challenge to get yourself started. If you need help managing your own apartment or emptying an estate, a senior move manager can be a helpful resource. They can sell things with value, arrange donations, and have everything removed from the home.

  • If the deceased owned their apartment, you will need to sell it. After you empty it, you will want to consult with a good real estate agent. The best way to find a good realtor is to ask people whose advice you trust if they can make a recommendation.

The recording of our recent panel at Frank E. Campbell goes into a lot of these resources:

There is no way to make death completely easy for anyone – the person dying or the people they leave behind. But with some advanced planning, we can make it just a little bit easier for everyone. Because when the logistics are in good order, we can focus on the important things like grieving and saying good bye.

Seminar on Issues Around Aging, for You or a Loved One

Last week we were honored to be included on a panel gathered to help New Yorkers learn about services available for themselves or aging friends or family. Attendance was robust and our fellow panelists offered some terrific solutions for helping New Yorkers age comfortably – whether they choose to age at home or to move to a senior residence.

The video is a bit long because there was so much information to be shared.

Here are the featured panelists:

  • Bill Herbst, Compass Real Estate.  Real estate broker and Founding Member of CompassPlus, a nationwide division of Compass to serve the special needs of older clients.  

  • Katie Hustead, Paper Moon Moves. Senior move specialist, helping older adults with every aspect of the moving process.

  • Diane Trunececk, CarePatrol.  A free service that helps find the right living solutions for seniors.

  • Marni Blank, Begin With the End. End of life and legacy planning, death doula services, and after loss support. 

  • Frank DiMaggio, LifeWorx. A provider of concierge-level in-home care.

  • Barbara L. MacGrady, Esq., Davidson, Dawson & Clark. Trust and estates attorney.

  • Michael Silverman, Silver Lining Insurance.  A provider of long-term care policies.

Organizing Life's Daily Demands Interviews Paper Moon Moves

We were honored to be interviewed by Peter Gordon, a certified daily money manager and owner of New York Financial Organizers. In this interview, we discuss the main reasons people call a senior move manager as well as what happens to your belongings if something were to happen to you. How difficult would it be if your executor or family members suddenly had to come in and figure out what to do with all of your stuff? I talk about my sister and how I want to avoid leaving her a big confusing situation to manage if my husband and I pre-decease her.

We have partnered with Peter over the years when clients have found that staying on top of paperwork has become too challenging for them. He and his business partner patiently help their clients re-gain control over their bills.

We talked about how we both help elderly clients prepare for the future:

We talked about the reasons people call a senior move manager, and how to think about what would happen to all of your stuff in an emergency.

”Since 2009, Paper Moon Moves has been sorting, selling, donating, and managing our clients’ cherished belongings, and ensuring that they have just what they need for the next stage of their lives. If you’re faced with the challenge of downsizing and moving a senior you love or handling an estate, Paper Moon Moves is here to help.”

Senior Living Options: the basics

Types of senior living communities

The world of senior living can be confusing. There’s a lot of jargon, and a lot to figure out when you are assessing options for yourself or someone you love who may no longer be safe or comfortable living in their home.

 This is a simplified list, but hopefully it will help clarify the basic options for senior housing:

 Independent Living (IL): These are designed for active seniors who want to maintain their independence while having access to amenities and social activities. IL communities typically offer apartments or townhomes, and usually have dining options available, and services such as laundry and cleaning. Here you can choose to socialize or maintain your independence.

Assisted Living (AL): AL communities are for seniors who need help with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as bathing, dressing, getting in or out of bed, using the toilet, eating, or medication management. These communities typically offer private apartments with different levels of care depending on the needs of each resident. Meals are typically included, as is housekeeping and laundry service.

 Memory Care: Memory care communities are designed for seniors with Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia. These communities offer specialized care and support for seniors with memory loss, including secure environments and specialized programming to promote memory function. Memory care communities typically offer private or semi-private rooms with 24-hour care and supervision.

Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs): CCRCs are generally large campuses that offer a range of care options, from independent living to skilled nursing care. Once someone moves in, they can transition seamlessly into different levels of care as their needs change. CCRCs typically require an upfront entrance fee and a monthly fee for ongoing care and services.

55+ Communities: These are age-restricted communities that cater to active adults aged 55 and older. These communities offer a variety of amenities and activities, such as golf courses, swimming pools, and fitness centers. 55+ communities can be either rental or owned, and may or may not have health care services available.

Skilled Nursing Facilities: Skilled nursing facilities provide 24-hour medical care and supervision for seniors with complex medical needs. These facilities typically offer both short-term and long-term care options, and may offer rehabilitation services, such as physical therapy.

When considering a senior living community, it's important to consider your current and future needs, your budget, and your lifestyle preferences. There are resources available to help you make the right choice. A good geriatric care manager (GCM), also called an Aging Life Care Professional (ALCA) will assess your needs and help you start to understand which type of senior living is right for you, and what your local options are. Many GCMs can be found on a directory on the Aging Life Care Association website, www.aginglifecare.org.

organized floorplan for downsizing seniors