I recently moderated a panel at Frank E. Campbell – The Funeral Chapel – to help people understand the decisions they will face when someone they love dies.
When I told people we were having this panel in a funeral home, I got some funny reactions. I couldn’t help but speculate about why people found this odd. I think what it may come from is that we – as a society – don’t like to talk about death. It’s not something we like to think about. We like to think, I guess, that we’ll somehow live forever.
But the thing is, death is inevitable. We can’t avoid it. It’s an essential part of life. And the problem with death is that when it comes, we are usually unprepared for it.
We get a lot of calls from people who have just recently lost someone important to them – a parent, a sibling, a cousin, a good friend, a child. The person on the phone is grieving. They may have known the death was coming, the deceased may have been in their 90s, or quite ill, but it still comes as a shock. And they all ask themselves: what do I do now? How do I plan a funeral, do I need a lawyer to help me, what do I do with their apartment, what do I do with all the stuff inside their apartment?
All these questions come crashing down. And at the same time, we’re supposed to be grieving.
The good news is that there are things you can do now to help make this all easier in the future. There are steps you can take now to help those who love you handle your death, and there are steps you can take now to encourage the people you love to prepare for their own demise. Here are some resources available to all of us, and some ways to plan ahead:
The first thing you need to do when someone dies is plan a funeral. There’s a way to plan this in advance, by purchasing what is called a pre-need, or advanced planning. It may feel morbid, but if you plan and pay for your own funeral now, your loved ones won’t have to make sudden decisions after you die. Also, you pay the current price for the service. Assuming the cost of a funeral will increase, this could be a good financial decision.
Next you will need to enlist a good Trust & Estate attorney. Again, there are steps we can all take in advance to make this easier for those we love. You can hire a lawyer now to prepare, with you, the documents we all eventually need: a healthcare proxy, an advance directive (aka a living will), a trust or will, and a power of attorney. These documents should be prepared at the same time, and signed, so they are ready to put into effect when needed.
Next you need to think about the stuff that belonged to the deceased. I’m talking about valuable things (like art, sterling silver, jewelry, etc.), all the regular “good” stuff we have in our homes, and all the junky stuff. One of the greatest gifts you can give the people you love is to start de-cluttering now so the amount of stuff remaining in your home is more manageable for them. Take our 30-day decluttering challenge to get yourself started. If you need help managing your own apartment or emptying an estate, a senior move manager can be a helpful resource. They can sell things with value, arrange donations, and have everything removed from the home.
If the deceased owned their apartment, you will need to sell it. After you empty it, you will want to consult with a good real estate agent. The best way to find a good realtor is to ask people whose advice you trust if they can make a recommendation.
The recording of our recent panel at Frank E. Campbell goes into a lot of these resources:
There is no way to make death completely easy for anyone – the person dying or the people they leave behind. But with some advanced planning, we can make it just a little bit easier for everyone. Because when the logistics are in good order, we can focus on the important things like grieving and saying good bye.
